I am frustrated with the limits of my body.
The treadmill is awesome and it makes me feel really good to walk on it, until my foot hurts. My foot has developed an annoying habit of getting some kind of sore spot on the bottom when I walk for too long and then I have to rest a few days to heal it. This is frustrating because the rest of me is go go go. And of course stopping ruins the momentum. Must have patience. I can't expect these poor feet to carry my bulk for so long without suffering. My eagerness to get rid of said bulk makes me impatient though. It is a catch 22, you are hurt because of the weight but you can't take off the weight by excercise because you hurt.
bleah
In other news I have colored my hair a sexy shade of red brown called "Carribean Mahogany". Of couse I picked it partly because of the color and partly for the name. I really liked the Carribean and hope to go again and the hair reminds me of it. Also, I am picturing my thin(ner) self with my sexy red hair on the beach which is a great incentive to avoid the halloween candy demons.
We had to get chips since we ate the whole box of halloween chocolate, which is sad as there are two of us and the box had 100 small bars in it. That's fifty each ! and I may have had more than half what with being left alone with them... a tactical error.
I have always relied on excercise for weight loss. My ability to get myself to excercise far outweighs my ability to eat healthy so excercise has been my main weapon. Yet as my joints decide to quit how long is that viable? I know that a serious attempt to manage food has to be made, that is a skill needed in my repetoire. Yet it is one of the most challenging for me. My sister has always seemed to be the opposite. She has been able to manage overall what she eats though when we were younger she didn't really excercise. I think this has changed lately as she likes dance dance revolution and rides a bike. So now to even up the odds I have to learn her eating skill. That way in the battle of the diets I have a better chance;)
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Halloween
I know you all know what is coming, the sordid tale of Gables vs. the Halloween Candy.
The first tactical error was buying the candy early, you know, because it will sell out right? The second was leaving it on the kitchen table. Once that box was opened it was all over. I think we have eaten probably half of the little candy bars. And of course rooting through it to get the good ones. For us that is the coffee crisp so all the little children will have to eat the hated smarties. Second choice has been the kit kat so that leaves also Aero for the kiddies.
My retreat has consisted of putting the candy downstairs. Out of sight out of mind, right? That seems to work until it crosses your mind then you can hear the little chocolate voices crying from the basement to come and eat them. (yes my candy is possessed, it's halloween candy!)
My record of leaving the candy alone is probably one day.
In the positive side my new shiny treadmill is in the basement too so once I am down there I may as well get on. Two days in a row now I have walked for a whole hour.
That will counteract the chocolate, right? right?!
The first tactical error was buying the candy early, you know, because it will sell out right? The second was leaving it on the kitchen table. Once that box was opened it was all over. I think we have eaten probably half of the little candy bars. And of course rooting through it to get the good ones. For us that is the coffee crisp so all the little children will have to eat the hated smarties. Second choice has been the kit kat so that leaves also Aero for the kiddies.
My retreat has consisted of putting the candy downstairs. Out of sight out of mind, right? That seems to work until it crosses your mind then you can hear the little chocolate voices crying from the basement to come and eat them. (yes my candy is possessed, it's halloween candy!)
My record of leaving the candy alone is probably one day.
In the positive side my new shiny treadmill is in the basement too so once I am down there I may as well get on. Two days in a row now I have walked for a whole hour.
That will counteract the chocolate, right? right?!
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Treadmill Fairy
Yay! The treadmill fairy has visited me in the night leaving behind a shiny new treadmill!
Wait, no that was what I wished happened. The reality involved a lot more sweating and cursing and dropping of heavey objects and at one point I was the only thing between my wife and death by crushing on the stairwell. It was a workout before we even started! Including the twenty minutes walking around the store trying to find a salesperson.
But, in the end, we got the bastard in the house and down in the basement in all it's shiny new glory. Then we shined it up even more, tightened all the bolts and turned it on.
That part was yay! it is really cool. I took it for a spin last night for the first time and walked for 53 minutes. It was different than walking outside in several obvious ways. For example you can watch the simpsons while walking. I suppose you could do that outside with a portable dvd player and some sort of harness rig. But you would look a tad odd, and in my case probably run into parked cars.
The other big difference was that you have to keep the pace or go flying off the end. Now, I really had no idea how fast I normally walk. It seemed quick but how could I know? Do you ever pay attention to the little slows and rushes that make up a normal walk? My pace must vary without my ever realizing it.
Anyway, today I walked outside for half an hour to get a comparison and I was right, my outside walk was definately slower than my treadmill walk. But my outside walk feels challenging. Yet when I went that fast on the treadmill it seemed slow. Is that because I can see by the numbers that it isn't so fast? Am I confused because of staying in the same place to think I must be going slow and should make more effort? In any case my need for speed is going to back off in favour of my need to bend my knees. I think a moderate pace with a slight incline is a better start than marching full out on the flat, at least at first.
The annoying part is that I am going to have to take my orthotic insoles and move them between shoes for inside and outside walking. Perhaps I should have done that the first time....
oh well
Wait, no that was what I wished happened. The reality involved a lot more sweating and cursing and dropping of heavey objects and at one point I was the only thing between my wife and death by crushing on the stairwell. It was a workout before we even started! Including the twenty minutes walking around the store trying to find a salesperson.
But, in the end, we got the bastard in the house and down in the basement in all it's shiny new glory. Then we shined it up even more, tightened all the bolts and turned it on.
That part was yay! it is really cool. I took it for a spin last night for the first time and walked for 53 minutes. It was different than walking outside in several obvious ways. For example you can watch the simpsons while walking. I suppose you could do that outside with a portable dvd player and some sort of harness rig. But you would look a tad odd, and in my case probably run into parked cars.
The other big difference was that you have to keep the pace or go flying off the end. Now, I really had no idea how fast I normally walk. It seemed quick but how could I know? Do you ever pay attention to the little slows and rushes that make up a normal walk? My pace must vary without my ever realizing it.
Anyway, today I walked outside for half an hour to get a comparison and I was right, my outside walk was definately slower than my treadmill walk. But my outside walk feels challenging. Yet when I went that fast on the treadmill it seemed slow. Is that because I can see by the numbers that it isn't so fast? Am I confused because of staying in the same place to think I must be going slow and should make more effort? In any case my need for speed is going to back off in favour of my need to bend my knees. I think a moderate pace with a slight incline is a better start than marching full out on the flat, at least at first.
The annoying part is that I am going to have to take my orthotic insoles and move them between shoes for inside and outside walking. Perhaps I should have done that the first time....
oh well
Friday, October 5, 2007
Missing treadmill
I have decided that I want to get a treadmill. It is because my current excercise of choice is walking and the weather is getting colder. Now, today we passed a treadmill on sale for 400 bucks. My wife asked me if I wanted to get it, and I said no.
Why?
Because getting it to the car and home and then set up is too much trouble. Or, if you will, excercise.
ha.
I secretly want to get one at some sort of furniture or fitness store where someone will bring it to my home, carry it to the basement and then set it up. Now, you may ask, is this worth the additional six to ten thousand dollars of a service? Probably not. Yet the idea of the gong show that will ensue when we try to get this puppy home is totally discouraging.
Anyone want to express post me a treadmill? Anyone?
Why?
Because getting it to the car and home and then set up is too much trouble. Or, if you will, excercise.
ha.
I secretly want to get one at some sort of furniture or fitness store where someone will bring it to my home, carry it to the basement and then set it up. Now, you may ask, is this worth the additional six to ten thousand dollars of a service? Probably not. Yet the idea of the gong show that will ensue when we try to get this puppy home is totally discouraging.
Anyone want to express post me a treadmill? Anyone?
Thursday, October 4, 2007
mental blocks
I realize this is the same day as my celebration and it is appropriate that they go together. The little sabotage demon is whispering in my ear. As soon as there is some improvement then the panic sets in; is it going to last? how long til I gain it back? that can't be right?
followed by its equally evil opposite; you are doing well, you can afford to cheat, right?
These little monsters work in tandem in the department of self sabotage right by the anxiety lobe of the brain. Mostly I am not consciously aware of them, but there they are sending their evil little messages into my ear. They try to convince me that it is easier to just quit now to get their voices to go away, just get it over with and quit now. They high five each other behind my back. Since I am not usually concentrating on them they must have gotten away with a lot in my past diets.
Not this time. I am onto them and I am conscious of them and that gives me the power ( hahaha mad with power laughing) I know that they are full of it and don't have my best interests at heart and that I don't have to listen. Especially since anthropomorphising them makes me aware of how ridiculous the arguments are. Basically, you might as well fail now and get it over with and save yourself the hassle.
I fart in their general direction!
followed by its equally evil opposite; you are doing well, you can afford to cheat, right?
These little monsters work in tandem in the department of self sabotage right by the anxiety lobe of the brain. Mostly I am not consciously aware of them, but there they are sending their evil little messages into my ear. They try to convince me that it is easier to just quit now to get their voices to go away, just get it over with and quit now. They high five each other behind my back. Since I am not usually concentrating on them they must have gotten away with a lot in my past diets.
Not this time. I am onto them and I am conscious of them and that gives me the power ( hahaha mad with power laughing) I know that they are full of it and don't have my best interests at heart and that I don't have to listen. Especially since anthropomorphising them makes me aware of how ridiculous the arguments are. Basically, you might as well fail now and get it over with and save yourself the hassle.
I fart in their general direction!
achievement
I have succeeded in losing about five to ten pounds. You may be wondering why the ambiguity. Well, my weight has never stayed constant from day to day, it always fluctuated within the same five pounds. My happiness comes from now being in a completely different set of five pounds. muwahahahaha
How did I do it? I shamelessly copied the pastaqueen whose blog I read and started trying the south beach diet. Having never done an official"diet" I am suprised that it actually worked. Of course I should have figured they never would have sold thousands of books if it didn't work at least a little.
I am on day six now. I weighed at the start of day five. That is an amazing loss in four days. ESpecially it was sweet since I was preparing myself mentally to see the same number. I was used to trying to eat healthy and excercise but still see the same number at the scale. My mind was saying that would be okay, that healthy changes were healthy changes regardless of the number and that it would be wrong to quit. I know I would have still been discouraged, I think numbers distract us from the real success, that we are making positive changes. However, I do know that even so I am totally psyched about the numbers. No matter what I tell myself the key to my mental celebration or pity party is still the numbers. I have no control over this reaction. So I have decided not to weigh myself on any schedule. I may not weigh at all for awhile.
I realize if anyone wants to know if I am doing well they want to know the numbers.
Ha, I am not going to tell you.
At least until I fell like weighing myself.
How did I do it? I shamelessly copied the pastaqueen whose blog I read and started trying the south beach diet. Having never done an official"diet" I am suprised that it actually worked. Of course I should have figured they never would have sold thousands of books if it didn't work at least a little.
I am on day six now. I weighed at the start of day five. That is an amazing loss in four days. ESpecially it was sweet since I was preparing myself mentally to see the same number. I was used to trying to eat healthy and excercise but still see the same number at the scale. My mind was saying that would be okay, that healthy changes were healthy changes regardless of the number and that it would be wrong to quit. I know I would have still been discouraged, I think numbers distract us from the real success, that we are making positive changes. However, I do know that even so I am totally psyched about the numbers. No matter what I tell myself the key to my mental celebration or pity party is still the numbers. I have no control over this reaction. So I have decided not to weigh myself on any schedule. I may not weigh at all for awhile.
I realize if anyone wants to know if I am doing well they want to know the numbers.
Ha, I am not going to tell you.
At least until I fell like weighing myself.
Monday, October 1, 2007
cautiously opptimistic
This is the third day of my new regime. As (obviously) a highly suggestible person I have decided to follow my fav bloggers diet and go on the south beach plan. So far so good. It isn't too hard once you get over the first day. There is definately sugar withdrawal. It was wierd. If I give up coffee the headache is expected but the affects of sugar are just as bad. It made my head feel fuzzy to give it up! and my body kept prompting me to find sugar since it knows the feeling will go away. But it only took a day, not even, an afternoon to go away. Since then I have been feeling really really good, even though it is too soon for any weight loss. This I am attributing to the affects of evened out blood sugar. This is supposed to even out your mood. Perhaps it is the power of suggestion but I will take any good effects anyway they come. It is also a good motivator since my sister and Iboth agree the scale can certainly take away any enthusiasm by remaining stubbornly on the same numbers. Then you get the feeling it no longer matters what you do you are doomed to a life of fatness and ineffecutal attempts that depress you. My new resolution is to judge my diet by how good it feels. That is odd hey, a diet making you feel good. So far this one does so it is staying.
It also has had it's moments where I think "wait, can i do this for the rest of my life?" and then I regain reality by doing that one day at a time thing. It isn't hard to think about eating healthy today but thinking about all the days ahead makes the little voices (sponsored by sugar no doubt) start whining that this will be impossible and that it can't be within reason to try to eat healthy forever. That is just as depressing as the evil scale. Now, I also console myself with the idea that I am not locked into some depressing deprivation plan but a flexible meal plan where the idea of splurges is accomodated and that noone is forcing me to give up anything, it is a choice of foods that actually mostly taste good.
As for incentive..
well, yesterday I went to visit a friend who just had a baby in hospital, and let's just say in another ten pounds the chair won't be an option. I had to hold the chair with my hands and press my thighs into it. It was close. I could feel the chair pressing the flab into my bones.
Now if that isn't a reality check what is?
It also has had it's moments where I think "wait, can i do this for the rest of my life?" and then I regain reality by doing that one day at a time thing. It isn't hard to think about eating healthy today but thinking about all the days ahead makes the little voices (sponsored by sugar no doubt) start whining that this will be impossible and that it can't be within reason to try to eat healthy forever. That is just as depressing as the evil scale. Now, I also console myself with the idea that I am not locked into some depressing deprivation plan but a flexible meal plan where the idea of splurges is accomodated and that noone is forcing me to give up anything, it is a choice of foods that actually mostly taste good.
As for incentive..
well, yesterday I went to visit a friend who just had a baby in hospital, and let's just say in another ten pounds the chair won't be an option. I had to hold the chair with my hands and press my thighs into it. It was close. I could feel the chair pressing the flab into my bones.
Now if that isn't a reality check what is?
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